Loro Keterak Blog: April 2010

The ToughPigs Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant 2010: My Comments

A yearly tradition in the Muppet fan community is the always-awesome ToughPigs Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant. It is here that ugly Muppet toys from all over the world come together to be ridiculed by we, the obsessed fans. Yesterday our good friends at ToughPigs posted the results of the contest, complete with comments from the hilarious tough piggies themselves. So, in the spirit of harmony, cross-promotion, and a lack of a post for today, I present my comments and ratings for the Ugly Toys of 2010! (Yes, I do have permission from ToughPigs to be doing this.)

Remember that the toys are ranked on an ugliness scale from 1-5, with 1 being "Not very ugly at all" and 5 being "Good lord, someone get some kerosene and matches."

Barkley beanbag, Kellog's cereal giveaway. Submitted by Evan G.

"Hey, kids! Now you too can own everyone's favorite TV superstar: Space-Simulator Barkley! (Vomit not included.)" 2

Clown Cookie Monster. Submitted by Joe H.

Good lord. Does this scream, "Me no WANT to be clown! Multicolored jumpsuit WAY too tight!" to anyone else? 1

Red Fraggle puppet, Dr. Doozer line, 2009.

So THAT's what Muppets look like right after someone shoves a hand up there. 5

Miss Piggy bank, Sigma - late 70s. Submitted by Lara F.

I think the money-in-the-cleavage jokes insinuating Miss Piggy is employed as a voyeur are too easy... So instead I'll just say that the pig needs a tanning bed. 3

Zoe doll. Found on eBay.

They made merchandise of the Zoe puppet from Season 40! The horror! The HORROR!! 5

Knockoff Big Bird doll. Found on the web.

Alright, Bird, where'd ya get the meth from? Abby told you it was fairy dust, didn't she? 4

Mokey doll, Tomy, 1983. Submitted by Justin P.

So THIS is why Mokey has been excluded from DVD packaging! 4

Magic Light Ernie, Tyco. Found on eBay.

Does his shirt say, "I <3 Dookie"? 2

Gonzo and Fozzie Pook-a-looz, 2010. Submitted by Mini Skunk.

Who would've ever thought we'd see the day when we could buy Muppet chokers? 1

Bert as a witch. Found on eBay.

Quick! Someone pour water on it! 3

Toccata doll from 1 Rue Sesame. Submitted by Scott H.

Is he a firefighter or an old lady on Easter? Bob, have you been mixing and matching items in the "People in Your Neighborhood" box again? 5

Piggy doll. Submitted by Joel S.

The only way this is distinguishable as Miss Piggy is that it has a dress on and a pig snout. 4

Elmo ornament, Kurt S. Adler, 2008. Submitted by Jes E.

Elmo loves crack! Does baby want to have some crack? Baby wants to ask Dorothy what crack is? Baby can't, Elmo sold Dorothy for more crack. 2

Red Fraggle figure. Submitted by Jog J.

See, kids, eat your bananas or your feet will swell larger then your head just like Red here! 4

Vinylmation Kermit pin. Submitted by Lara F.

It's cute in a cross-promotional, synergy-laden, corporate-icon promoting kind of way. 1

Rosita beanbag. Submitted by Nick H.

Rosita thought her wings could act as a parachute when she jumped from the plane... obviously not. 3

And there you have it, folks! The ToughPigs Ugly Toy Pageant 2010 entrants and my comments and ratings on them. Be sure to check by ToughPigs for the real Ugly Toy Pageant and read even more hysterical comments!

Special thanks to Ryan Roe and the rest of ToughPigs for letting me do this!

The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier

In my continuing quest to become a green thumb I have been disappointed with the result of my bulb planting and seed sowing time and again. Someday I will have the type of garden I envy and dream about, but for now my only botanical/floral success has been in the form of window boxes. I have two on the shed out back and am proud to say they looked just lovely throughout last year. In the midst of all the failed flower beds and herb gardens, those window boxes flourished and made me so proud.

If there are any fledgling gardeners out there or folks who are intimidated by the thought of planting at all, I definitely recommend container gardening. Window boxes will never let you down. Here is a simple guide to planting a window box garden provided by treehugger.com to get you started- you will thank me later!

All images courtesy of google.com

If Adolf Hitler flew in today, they'd send a limousine anyway.

"Clash City Rockers" by the Clash

"Clash City Rockers", The Clash, The Clash
When I listen to "Clash City Rockers" words like brilliant, mystical, and dynamic do not come to mind, as they did with nearly every Led Zeppelin song I reviewed. But it brings something different to the table - this relentless fury and power, which nobody articulates like the Clash did. Though I use words like fury and power, I resist using the word anger. Sure, the Clash got angry... Just listen to the way Joe Strummer nearly spits the lyrics at you, with a bit of disgust and bouts of angst. But they were also the guys who said, "Let fury have the hour. Anger can be power. You know that you can use it?" "Clash City Rockers" encourages one to get up! Move forward! Move the town to the Clash City Rockers! Don't accept defeat, keep going!

For the most part, the dominating in-your-face riffs of the Clash's first album aren't my favorite sounds from the band. They are riffs that have been done a hundred times over, but the Clash do put their spin on it. Mick Jones is already on it with his punctuating backing vocals, which were continuous perks to Clash records until Jones was sacked. Everything is already being churned out with intensity, as the notes from each instrument resonate with the sheer impact of a punch in the face. Nothing magnificent is going on technically (Jones' solo is very early George Harrison - a fledgling), but its exciting! You don't need endless skill to produce something thrilling. My favorite part comes as the guitar slithers towards the end. The sound is rude and scathing - as they declare, "Rock! Rock! Clash city rockers!" That's always been the savior of "Clash City Rockers" for me. That's what made it stand out and enjoy heavy rotation in my realm.

Thursday, a spring bag, and Etsy

Fora -double pleats, double straps- by bayanhippo

When my world seems to only consist of piles of undone laundry and dirty dishes and cat hair up the wazoo - I find solace in cleaning one tiny space to perfection - my bag. Right now it's still a brown leather bag filled with a mess of receipts and pen caps, but oh how I dream of filling and prettying up the inside of this divine Fora bag by bayanhippo (clearly I'm still on my stripe kick). It's like spring itself and these etsy finds are just the brisk and fun things that would keep such a lovely bag in tip top order.

Because I am both this nerdy and desire to be this jaunty - this scarf would be a must to tie to a strap of my stripy bag:

"Vintage Bookworm Scarf" via June22

Because I'd clearly be perceived as tough and not one to me messed if I hitched my keys to something this pretty AND tough, right?:

"Hockey Medal Key Ring Fob" via penorus

Because it's the loveliest and lushest color of springtime green and will keep all my receipts in perfect order:

"Rubi green wallet" by imeldabags

Because my coins (and paper clips and safety pins) need not to be rattling around and lost in the bottom of any bag:

"Swingin Sixties Vintage Beaded Coin Purse" via MarnelCQueen395

Because it's eco-friendly and holds the promise of spring (and lip gloss):

"Hot Eco Pink Pleated Fused Plastic Cosmetic Pouch" by SoSheSews

Because birds belong on anything that has a spring theme (even on the case for an iphone - a thing I don't own, but could make do with this pink bird):

"Leather iPod iPhone Cell/Blackberry Gadget Case" by studiocatb

Because every year I break multiple pairs of sunglasses by carelessly tossing them in my bag and I suspect owning this darling vintage case might finally put an end to my rampage of destruction: