2009: A Year in Facebook Messages (Part One)

More than a year ago, I had just returned from spending an Argentinian summer in Buenos Aires. I felt culture shock more than I ever had before, at times wanted nothing more than to return home, but returned home feeling fulfilled and happy to have soaked up an entirely foreign culture. For the week that followed, I felt completely thrown off balance. I wasn't upset, or in any sort of bad mood, I was actually so happy and grateful. You never quite appreciate your home as much as do when you haven't been in a while. Your bed reaches new levels of comfortability, and everything is done with a heightened sense of gratitude. But for the week that followed my arrival at LAX, I just felt like I was walking in some sort of dream. I felt like I wasn't really home at all, and that at any moment, I would be back in Argentina. My life in California seemed eons away, even though I was right back in it. I didn't resent the feeling, it was just so new. Eventually, I finally settled back in. I enjoyed the warm aromas of logs burning in the fireplace, consumed endless cups of hot tea and cocoa, but reflecting back, last year wasn't a big holiday driven season for me. I just didn't get into it.

But, I love the holidays! The smell of the Christmas tree, decorating it, having everyone together, presents, have I mentioned the SMELL? Christmas smells so good. I adore the holiday-y bullshit that comes around this time of year. The claymation films, It's a Wonderful Life, the weather! Everything becomes so desolate, and I find a comforting serenity in it all.

What I'm attempting to illustrate is the immense CHANGE that has occurred in the year that has passed since I returned from Argentina. Unlike ever before, I feel like this has been the longest year yet. It has certainly been my most grown-up year. Never before have I realized how much you can squeeze into a YEAR, and we get so many of them! Good, bad, it has all happened. Have you learned from it all? That's the best you can do. I'm always attempting to cram as much into my brain as I can. Everything must be a learning experience! I'm glad. Its one of my very favorite traits.

But truly. Contemplate all that you have done this year. Don't skew your outlook, take it all for what it is. Don't ignore the bad times, they shaped who you are. Do you realize how much you've DONE? New Years resolution, in addition to having better posture and being as slinky and graceful as my cat: Do EVEN MORE with the next year! And the best part is... I have zero doubt that I will. I mean, I still think that 2011 will be the best year yet, but I'm championing 2010 for a very close second!

If you look back and realize that you haven't done that much with the last year... Well, shit. Don't be down! Simply decide that 2010 is fucking awesome. I must admit, I am slightly against the idea of New Years resolutions. Why wait for the new year? Can we make 'every day resolutions'? That's why when I wrote 'having better posture', I stood up straight. Every second is new, not just the year. So if you want to change something, or start doing something, or stop doing something... Do it right. now!

2009 was life changing, in every sense of the word(s). But that sentence is just so silly. Life changes all the time. So, 2009 was SUPREMELY life changing. I mean, 2009 truly covered all bases. From personal disasters, to recovering from those disasters and becoming an absolutely stronger person because of it. To such outlandish things as going to London, and things like that, that a year ago, I would have never expected. To getting entirely on the right track. In between, I took a train to San Francisco, rendezvoused, added a healthy amount to my record collection. I saw Paul McCartney this year! I learned a lot about myself this year. I figured a lot out. I realized that there is a lot more to figure out. But more than ever before, I believed that there is so much to be happyhappyhappy about. Stress is self-induced, and depression is a loser's game. Open your eyes!!!

My favorite feeling about entering the new year, is that all the above stated is petty business. A year from now, I'll look back and think, "OH, I thought THAT was a big deal. Look at all I've done since then. (And look how much better I write!)" And then, like I have this year, I'll think: "Look what that says about the next year!"

So I've be sifting through old Facebook messages, to get a TRUE feel of how 2009 went on, day by day. I spent a little time each day rereading my past, and it was amusing, hilarious, and eye-opening. I underestimated how much I can type in a year, hence why you're getting this on January 2!


Each of these messages were sent my very best friend, and cousin, whom I affectionately call Bumby. You can see from the timestamps that we speak frequently throughout each day. There's moments that made me laugh, for they showed how much can change in a year. What goes on in my day-to-day life, musical rants, cravings for food. The jazzy stuff that happens every day, I love it all. It isn't about what I did all year, but more about how I thought all year. Most are happy, inspired, sleep-deprived rants. Scrolling through, yes, they aren't all happy rants. Some take me back to a specifically bad day, but I'm not including any of that here. Don't dwell on it. Maybe because yes, its too personal. But how annoying and unattractive is a person shoving their two-bit drama in your face? Those bad days inspired the following. So here it is, the most relevant, funny, random, and inspiring things I said this year -- in the purest form I know. Its peering into my most personal conversations, where sounding cool doesn't mean a thing. Maybe this little snapshot will only be so fucking amusing to me, a year of messages has been a whirlwind. This year has been a whirlwind. I've taken a look at it all, good and bad. But as I said, I won't burden you with the bad.

I should mention that I said the word "boner" A LOT this year. Its my choice adjective. Alas, I left most of those out. But as you can see here, when I'm just putting it all out there for someone I love, I'm just an obnoxious young girl obsessed with words, cream cheese, Led Zeppelin, my cats, the word "fuck" in its many forms, being uncomfortably outspoken, and the magnificence that is life!

Boner talk aside, here are choice excerpts from my year in Facebook messages:



February 22 @ 11:32PM

And for a second I swear he took the shape of a unicorn. Its kind of brilliant?

February 23 @ 2:36PM

I found porn in my house...

February 28 @ 1:59AM

I've been feeling inspired and ready to jump into the world. I want to make all of my dreams come true, and I want to start immediately. There isn't any reason why life should ever be at a standstill. There is too much to offer.
Life can be good, but you have to make it that way.

Don't forget that you have the answers, you're just looking outwards for them. Look to yourself. I have this theory... We all have the tools to do or make whatever we want. The people that truly do it are the ones that believe they can, reach for it, and aren't afraid to try.

March 1 @ 2:05AM

He is asking questions like, "What do you seek in life?" I'm way too tired for this.

March 16 @ 1:47PM

My goal is to not wait. I want these things to happen now! Life has already begun, it began the day we were born, and I don't believe that waiting will make them more possible. We are young and ambitious and if its possible then, its possible now! We have just to work hard and get crafty and inventive. I don't want to look back and wish my life was more exciting. I want to make it exciting!

March 16 @ 11:54PM

I LOVE PAUL MCCARTNEY. FUCK, I AM SEEING THIS MAN IN PERSON! Paul, in the flesh, guaranteed. My life will be perfect, for at least an hour.

March 18 @ 11:30PM

That was all I wanted to do in the Bay Area. Just wander, soak up the culture, and breath in the air.

April 24 @ 1:21AM

A conversation I just had with my drunken father...

"Tonight some old lady told me I looked like Brad Pitt."
"Was she intoxicated?"
"What?"
"Was she intoxicated?"
"Well, of course."
"That's why you look like Brad Pitt this evening."
"She could have said anyone and she said Brad Pitt."
"Exactly, she could have said anyone and she just chose Brad Pitt."
"I thought it was kind of fun..." Then he went on to say other nonsense.

April 27 @ 9:45PM

Who do think would win in a fight, Jack Nicholson or my dad?

April 29 @ 12:28AM

I fucking hate Sid Vicious. He's annoying, everybody loves him too much, and he had nothing to do with the music.

May 6 @ 12:51AM

Nobody can be what they're not. They can act like they are, but in the end, they aren't and everyone sees that.

May 6 @ 2:10AM

Sometimes I'm just like "Is being optimistic being unrealistic?" But I don't think it's so much saying "Oh nothing is wrong. Ever! Life is perfect" It's about believing it will get better because you simply deserve that.

May 8 @ 2:58AM

I'd rather be genuine, and happy, and honest, and carefree. Only recently have I started stepping back and taking one's loss of innocence into consideration. It's learning the truth about the world, and realizing your parents don't know much more than you do -- which is a terribly depressing thought. I think, in addition to my family's own problems, I've just been growing up and maturing over these past few years. You have to make a decision -- what are you going to do with this knowledge? Are you going to get upset when you finally realize the world isn't what you've been told it is your entire life, or are you just going to continue trucking and try to MAKE it that world. It's been a main thought of mine for quite some time, and I'm slowly realizing that I can't worry about any of that. I just have to continue LIVING, despite any of those barriers. After all, being positive and having a positive outlook on life, and just truly loving it -- it has no downside, does it? It certainly can't be any worse than being pessimistic and just going along with the idea that everything BLOWS. Everything doesn't blow! Life is a glorious thing, with so much to offer, and so much to experience. For those who seek! We can't just sit around waiting for life to happen, we have to chase it! And that's all I want to do is chase life and experience it's splendor. I don't care if I have no direction, does that even matter? It's all about the journey and attempting to find a reason for being here, a true calling. We'll never find out and I'm fine with that! You just have to do what feels right and feels good. There is no point in feeling bad, it will simply make it all worse. You don't have to be unrealistic to be optimistic.

I guess this is more a note to myself more than anything, but I think it's genuinely important stuff. Knowledge should be shared! Everything should. Somethings are just better when experienced with someone you love.

May 11 @ 10:14PM

Everybody has something to hide... Except me and Yoko Ono.

May 18 @ 11:55PM

I'm in one of those amazing happy-go-lucky everything is possible! The world is beautiful! I am freeeeee! moods.

Because everything IS possible. The world IS beautiful. I AM free. We are living!!! Life is such a treat, and we need to soak in all that it has to offer! It doesn't have to be expensive, or impossible, we just have to OPEN OUR EYES!

May 21 @ 1:07AM

London Calling is about to finish, and it's fun. Really eclectic. Kind of like the Exile on Main St of punk, but again, not really worthy of eighth place. I respect The Clash more though, and feel educated. So hoooooray.

June 2 @ 9:16PM

I think someone just said my name, but I don't know where they are... I think this mystery person is on the porch. I'll pretend they're not.

June 9 @ 8:52PM

MY CAT IS GOING INTO LABOR. Worse, she's trying to birth on my lap. I moved her to my couch, but still, she won't stay put unless I sit right beside her. She's pushing something out... Not a baby, but something. She already leaked on my bed.

June 11 @ 11:25PM

WHY AM I SO NEIL YOUNG-LICIOUS LATELY?

June 15 @ 4:17PM

Make a list of everything you want to do. The realistic, presumably unrealistic, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE, ever! Write it all down, and decide with each goal, what you can do to make it more possible. Then every single day do one of these things. Make it feasible to you! The best thing I can tell you is BE POSITIVE. When you're in a shitty mood, just say to yourself, "No life is way too exciting for this. I have so many grand things waiting for me. I have no reason to be upset." Put it in perspective and think, "Is this worth being upset over?" And you have to learn to fucking adore yourself. Even if someone says you have a shitty trait, just think, "But its MY trait, and I'm wonderful, and I love that about myself. SO FUCK EVERYBODY ELSE."

June 23 @ 9:20PM

One day, we'll look back at our old facebook messages and it'll be so odd... Everything we talk about, the way we talk about it, how we are emotionally... It's all here!

June 26 @ 6:33AM

And somehow, it prompted a strange psychological breakthrough for me. I realized, this is only the beginning of my life. I have so much ahead of me. This inkling of a memory doesn't have to have any effect on me, whatsoever. I have a fulfilling life to live, and this doesn't define it! I have complete control of my life. I'm going to have an astonishing life because I deserve as much. I've got a good mind, a good heart, and fierce motivation. I'm moving on! It all lies ahead! We have absolute freedom! I'm listening to Blood on the Tracks and I LOVE EVERYTHING. The world is so so beautiful, and holds a great deal! I'm going to go for a walk, put my headphones on, and lap up everything, even what lies in my yard. BEAUTY IS EVERYWHERE.

June 27 @ 1:24AM

I'm open to whatever grand opportunities might happen, because I know that it'll all be good. There's no bad choices.

July 8 @ 2:36AM

Anything can happen at any moment, and that's thrilling!

July 23 @ 2:05AM

The taco bell chihuahua died!!!

July 24 @ 11:46PM

Aaaah, I'm so bored musically! I'm in dire need of a new phase. I'm at that awkward point when you're between obsessions. One will come to me randomly, and it will be amazing, and we will fall into a deep, life-consuming, passionate affair... But until that time comes, I'm like a lost puppy.

July 25 @ 10:09PM

Jimmy

I KNOW THIS IS RANDOM, AND I DONT THINK I KNOW YOU. BUT YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL IT KILLS ME.

.......
Weirdest facebook IM I've ever received... So weird that I didn't even reply with a "Thank you!"

July 26 @ 10:29PM

OH MY!!! CAPTAIN KIRK, THE MOTHERFUCKING PRICELINE NEGOTIATOR! What was he doing?!

July 27 @ 4:10AM

Awwww! Oh my goodness! "Two of Us" just came on random, and I forgot how much I love this song.. SO MUCH. Such a goodie., awww. I feel all mushy gushy.

July 28 @ 4:25AM

By the way, salt on ice pressed into your palm HURTS LIKE HELL. I did it tonight and it was awful. It stings for a long time after, then it itches.

July 30 @ 2:45AM

It doesn't matter and it doesn't define me. There's no point in throwing myself into something that isn't worth it, even if it's supposed to be. It's unhealthy, I don't need it, and I can finally truly say that this chapter of my life is over. This nonsense that's been going on for two/three years IS DONE. And that's more relieving than anything. Now, I need to move forward. I'd like to pretend it never happened. I just needed it to end somehow, and that's what I got. Now, the future! No, no no. The present! I've got everything to live for NOW. It's life, that's all I need. I'm just happy to be alive.

July 30 @ 2:46AM

Oh and, the best part of the evening... Coming home to see a Barry Manilow towel laying on my bed. Stretched out neatly. I think it's for me. So kind.

July 30 @ 5:43PM

In 1988, Bob Dylan stopped Manilow at a party, hugged him and said, "Don't stop what you're doing, man. We're all inspired by you."

REALLY?

July 31 @ 11:47PM

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/

Does your cat look like Adolf Hitler? Do you wake up in a cold sweat every night wondering if he's going to up and invade Poland? Does he keep putting his right paw in the air while making a noise that sounds suspiciously like "Sieg Miaow"? If so, this is the website for you.

CATS THAT LOOK LIKE HITLER! It's genius.

This is my favorite "Kitler".

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/kitler/pics/kitler2129.jpg

He's actually rated the third best kitler, but I think he has the most Hitler attitude.

August 11 @ 2:08AM

FUCK, I just remembered how Laura thought "Yellow Submarine" was George solo or something...?

August 12 @ 12:57AM

We fucking jedi mind tricked your ass, and it goes unnoticed!

August 14 @ 6:55PM

Like, if I came onto him and he was into it... Who is creepier? ME.

August 15 @ 6:14PM

I was listening to the Beatles driving home the other morning, and I was like, "I saw Paul McCartney!!!"

August 15 @ 10:29PM

I'm listening to "Feel Like Makin' Love"; reminds me so much of grandpa. How wrong does that look in text...?

August 24 @ 2:52AM

I'm listening to Brian Wilson's CD, out of desperation. It sounds like gay beach-themed show tunes. It sounds unlike his young self.

August 24 @ 8:16PM

Nah, I didn't have high hopes for the freaky Beach boy, because you know, he's the freaky Beach boy. I would've put a lot of eggs in the 'Dennis Wilson basket' but as he's a goner, I don't have to worry about that. But for the record, I'm SURE Dennis would live up to my wildest dreams.

August 31 @ 4:16AM

They all have their ups and downs, but what I've been discovering is that EVERYONE does. I've found that I search for the bad in people before I search for the good. But the thing is, everyone has both. It's a matter of, "Are they hurting anyone with the bad?" and "Does the good outweigh the bad?"

September 3 @ 2:35PM

I'm really into "No Reply" lately. And "Free as a Bird" and "Real Love" and "Moonlight Mile" by the Stones. And a lot of other stuff too. I'm going through phases and I haven't downloaded new music in weeks. It's good to be alive.

September 3 @ 11:03PM

And he has probably never smoked crack in his life!

September 4 @ 12:36AM

I want homemade snickerdoodle cookies. "And Your Bird Can Sing" is such an amazing jam!

September 4 @ 2:20AM

There's feeling that comes out in George's solo work and John's solo work that lacks in Paul's catalog. He definitely has that sort of stuff in him -- hence, you know, THE BEATLES -- but dude needs to chill.

September 8 @ 10:05PM

Uhhhh... I had something to say, and it wasn't 'I love cream cheese' even though I REALLY do.

September 8 @ 11:16PM

I just want to hear, "You're 12.5% black, and your great-grandfather is Chuck Berry."

September 9 @ 12:21AM

If Paul is dead, then I prefer replacement Paul. Post '66 Paul tromps pre-'66 Paul. Did you ever notice him acting as the bass on "I Will"? SO GOOD. Go listen on headphones. It tickles.

September 14 @ 7:20PM

NOOOOOO, PATRICK SWAYZE!!!

September 15 @ 5:53PM

Is it just me, or is that a face asking to be slapped?

September 18 @ 1:15AM

I want Law & Order and Sex and the City to mash-up, and Mr. Big is revealed to be his character on Law & Order. It would be sexy!

September 18 @ 1:52PM

I have to do well in school, and I have to keep writing, because that's the only way I'll get myself where I want to be. Nobody can do anything for you, except yourself. Luckily, I feel wholeheartedly capable.

September 19 @ 2:29AM

Today, one of my kitties fell into the bathtub, panicked for like twenty seconds until I realized what was going on. I ran to it's rescue, it pissed itself, and I cuddled it like a baby in a towel. It was sad, pathetic, adorable, and amusing.

September 20 @ 1:28AM

I work hard, I do well, and I want it REALLY badly. If you work hard and never give up, you get the things you really want! It's a fact!

And the best part is... I BELIEVE IT when I read that!!!

September 20 @ 10:35PM

Apparently Stephanie and I are going to London for her birthday. I can't believe it until I see tickets.

September 21 @ 6:05AM

I KNOW. I was watching it live the other day, and I was like, "I forgot how amazing you are, No Quarter!"

September 27 @ 11:37PM

I'm on a hating-Mick-Jagger kick.

September 28 @ 10:26PM

It's so weird. I was just obviously getting into stuff, I have such OBVIOUS songs. Like, "Honky Tonk Women", "Brown Sugar", "Mary Jane's Last Dance", "Ohio", "Mr. Tambourine Man". Like beginner's guide to rock and roll basically. It's weird, because I thought I was the shit then. I think I'm the shit now! But I hardly knew anything then. Later, I'll look back on me-now and think, "I didn't know much!"

September 28 @ 11:05PM

http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/45000/step-brothers--45051.jpg

September 29 @ 1:18AM

My thoughts... It's not that fucking bad! Granted, I couldn't finished it (admittedly!), but it's not the worst thing I've ever read. His writing style is really long-winded, and not at all organized, but that was his THING. The fact that it never really went anywhere, and wasn't capable of achieving that Ernest Hemingwayesque "we're-not-doing-anything-but-living-and-you-like-it" status, is why I couldn't finish it. Though one day I will!!! (After Tender is the Night, which I restarted today) But it's his overall message that's admirable, that's why people like Bob Dylan, Hunter S. Thompson, and Tom Waits identify with it. His overall view on life is inspiring, and he has a definitive way of viewing this. Kind of like with F. Scott Fitzgerald, with his ever present eye on what usually goes unnoticed. He pays attention to the detail -- the little things. Jack Kerouac does that too, but it's not neat or tidy. It's blurred by drugs and blatantly more childlike. He's not a fancy frou frou like Fitzgerald or Hemingway, he's just a wandering drug addict.

A perfect way to describe it: It's not sophisticated...

BUT it doesn't TRY to be.

MICHELLE'S UNOFFICIAL REVIEW OF ON THE ROAD IS OVER.

September 30 @ 2:24AM

It was actually KIND OF cold today? I've been drinking tea and eating cookies and Toblerone all day. I listened to the radio and got giddy when my favorites came on. I just scrolled up to see if you had replied. You haven't. I'm trying to decide how I'm supposed to dress around the house? This negligee isn't cutting it. Perhaps adding tights to the equation? My picture stash has grown extensively over the past few days.

September 30 @ 2:36AM

Soooo down with the Clash -- all of them in one form or another. I want them to be my best friends. New possible phases: The Clash, Lovin' Spoonful... And others.

September 30 @ 3:16AM

Goodness, what if your favorite song, or even off III, was "Hats off to (Roy) Harper"? Depressing.




October - December is coming. It makes up more than HALF of the excerpts I chose.