October 1 @ 2:33AM
But he has no drive, or willingness to fight for anything. He won't chase life, so obviously nothing is happening. I want to write him an inspirational letter... I want to be the Dr. Phil of his life.
I can't quite describe it, because I'm not capable of wrapping my head around it. It's also difficult to put myself in his shoes, because I'm not able to get that depressed, thank goodness. I don't know what that's like, and how the hell one even falls that far.
October 1 @ 6:40AM
Sitting my room, drinking tea, it's softly lit by the mellow sun, it's chilly, and listening to the Clash -- because I thought "Why not?" Thank you.
I feel good.
October 1 @ 10:45PM
Seriously LOVE Harry Dean Stanton and I'm SO JEALOUS Daveigh Chase gets to play his child bride on Big Love...
October 2 @ 7:32PM
Earlston, Scottish Borders arrived from google.co.uk on "stray cat blues.: Don't confront me with my failures, I have not forgotten them." by searching for 'sexier linda ronstadt or stevie nicks?'.
AMAZING. Linda, obviously, as far as sexiness goes.
And I've got a Turkish reader. I wish I got a piece of candy of each country every time a person visited. I'd have nice candy.
October 3 @ 2:00AM
Sucking my lips and making them chapped has become an unforeseen habit of mine. I've been walking around in my thrifted, over sized, Ralph Lauren men's button-up. Earlier I had it thrown over that lingerie romper, but I've since buttoned it up entirely. Basically anything is good with cream cheese.
October 4 @ 7:24PM
LONDON ON THE TWENTY-FOURTH. ONE WEEK, INCLUDING STEPHANIE'S BIRTHDAY AND HALLOWEEN. BUYING TICKETS TOMORROW. LESS THAN THREE WEEKS AWAY. ON THE HUNT FOR JIMMY PAGE AND ALL THINGS HOLY.
October 4 @ 10:39PM
Imagine if you were a girl who said, "EW. The Beatles are gross. I hate you, Paul McCartney!" He'd probably fall in love right there..
October 6 @ 12:41AM
Led Zeppelin II is definitely one of the sexiest albums of all time.
October 6 @ 8:25PM
HOLY. SHIT. I'm going to LONDON! "Over the Hills and Far Away" is on, and I just had a minor freak-out. I may just be the happiest person alive while on that plane. The best things are the ones you don't expect. FUCCCCCK, I AM SO HAPPY.
October 6 @ 9:20PM
Wow, done. Booked. I'm going to London. Holy fucking shit.
October 7 @ 1:57AM
I'm going to email Ross Halfin and see if I can interview him whilst in London. The only trouble is emailing him...
October 7 @ 5:13PM
Did you know that I used to want to be a nun? Not for serious, but like for a year, just to try out the life. I wanted to live multiple lives -- each completely different than the other. Maybe I'll live a year in India and be spiritual!
October 7 @ 5:17PM
I just found myself jamming to "Octupus's Garden"... DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME.
October 7 @ 5:56PM
According to Geoff Emerick's book, Here, There and Everywhere, Lennon said the song was "more of Paul's granny music", and refused to participate in the recording of the song.
Maxwell's Silver Hammer! Such a dick!
October 7 @ 11:58PM
"What can I say about Tal Wilkenfeld? How does one describe an astonishing talent? The answer is, you don't. You listen, and watch, as 45,000 people did in Chicago at the Crossroads Festival 2007. I have witnessed special moments in my time, but to see all those "died-in-the-wool'" blues fanatics and guitar freaks go berzzzzerk half way through her solo left me emotional, and that is an understatement. The word proud is barely adequate."
Jeff Beck about his twenty-three year old bass player. I'd probably cry if he said something HALF as nice about me. It's such a nice thing to say about someone! I want someone to be that proud of me! And a legend, no less!
October 8 @ 3:03AM
It's 3AM and I'm blasting Outkast. I love my life.
October 8 @ 4:47PM
Evan Rachel Wood got to see Led Zeppelin.... Because she was fucking Marilyn Manson at the time! So did the fucking Ronsons because Mick Jones opened!!!! And even MICHAEL J. FOX AKA TEEN WOLF.
Yet I didn't....
October 9 @ 12:47AM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8b/Leo_Poster.jpg/406px-Leo_Poster.jpg
A hippie in Stockholm, Sweden in August 1971.
I don't know why I find this so funny.
October 12 @ 3:04PM
"Ok....if you want to come it's the Classic Rock awards...."
October 12 @ 3:41PM
With all of this dream-worthy madness, I forgot I have normal things to do haha. This is such a dream! It's completely surreal and I can't even believe it. Soooo incredible. I'm going to die. Three weeks exactly.
I loveeeeee you, I love my life, I love everything. I'm so fucking grateful and happy, and I knew that relentless optimism was going to get me through, but SO soon? Unimaginable.
October 12 @ 4:09PM
No, I mean, I know that I'm worthy and deserving of this -- as INSANE as it is. But it's just kind of ironic that I live in this small town, but despite that, I'm DOING it, you know? I'm fucking LIVING it.
October 12 @ 4:39PM
Awww, yay! I love you! I'm so excited and just amazed, already! I'm going to be soo out of my league, just looking around, getting dumbstruck by EVERYONE. Aaaaaah, my goodness. This is insanity, and I LOVE it.
October 13 @ 3:49PM
On the Hotel California sleeve the Eagles thank someone named "Katinka Fox" What a strange and sexy name! There's soooo many bitches on the 'thank you' list. It's a little jarring.
October 13 @ 7:15PM
I'm an apeman!
October 13 @ 12:11AM
So I'm j-j-jaammmmin' to my Jeff Beck records, and WHOA. Jeff Beck might be there! Holy molers! The list is endless!
October 14 @ 5:47PM
Serge and Jane probably had bangin' sex... Just saying.
October 15 @ 12:16AM
OH SHIT. I JUST REALIZED THAT I LISTENED TO ALL OF "MOBY DICK". I SHOULD GET A PRIZE.
October 25 @ 11:39PM
I'm here. After a long, momentous flight full of the Clash, Led Zeppelin, and an Adrian Brody movie (twice!), I arrived. After being detained at the airport for lack of documentation, and then once they asked why I was staying an extra day, they knew of Ross and thought I was some weird Lolita... We lugged our bags all over London. We had drinks in Leicester Square and were waited on by this really charming, really ugly French dude. I people-watched and looked utterly drunk because I was so damn tired. After taking a really snazzy taxi to where we are staying, I slept from 5:30PM to 6:30AM. I don't think I can possibly sleep anymore! So now I'm just jamming on the internet.
October 26 @ 7:02AM
I went grocery shopping! I walked the streets and scurried about the store. I paid only four pounds (roughly eight dollars) and got ice cream, creme cheese and crackers, orange juice, yummy English chocolate with caramel in the middle, and muffffinssss!
October 26 @ 2:45PM
I went shopping! On Oxford Street first, at Topshop. I got a Carrie Bradshaw-esque gray skirt (poofy like the opening credits) and a cute black dress thats gold and lacy on the top -- hard to explain. Then we went to Carnaby Street and I bought a gray shirt from American Apparel to go with my skirt. Then we went to King's Road and bought nothing. No more shopping for me, I think!
October 26 @ 3:57PM
Its so not stab central! Its a hoax!
October 27 @ 11:51AM
Less than a week! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
October 30 @ 5:03PM
Went to this British Music museum today. Took photos (even though I wasn't supposed to!), saw lots of David outfits (Ziggy Stardust numbers jumpsuit, Ashes to Ashes, lots of stuff -- all on mannequins. He was so small!), the lyrics to Five Years and a handwritten setlist of his. Uhhhhh, outfits worn by Mick and Keith. A fringed Roger Daltrey jacket. A fucking UGLY Jimmy outfit and snakeskin boots. I was like, 'HOW DID HE LOOK GOOD IN THIS?!' Uhhhhh, other stuff. Good stuff. I did the London Eye too, which was oodles of fun.
October 31 @ 2:03PM
Nobody knows Prince when I play it, so then I'm just the weirdo listening to perverted songs like "Darling Nikki".
November 1 @ 6:29PM
I had a successful day alone! It was awesome. I went to this amazing gallery (the very famous Tate) and saw all of these literally beautiful Pre-Raphaelites. Then shopping in Camden (which is like the better English version of the Melrose flea market), got another dress... Then I went to Portobello Road Market and didn't get anything, but I walked SO FUCKING MUCH to get there. Bonersville! Then... I had literally walked for like seven hours straight, so I came home. Good day.
November 2 @ 4:13AM
So... I need to call Ross in a little. I'm shaking. I'm REALLY cold, but also I think, quite nervous.
November 3 @ 4:49AM
I forgot! Jimmy thought that I did make-up! He asked me, "Oh do you do the make-up?" I don't know if he had me confused with someone else, or just figured that was a sensible job for me? But then Ross was like, "No no no. She's the writer, from California. Remember I told you about her?" I keep remembering little things. That's the best.
November 4 @ 8:05PM
It literally seems like a dream, the entire night. Its that hazy too! I'm like, "Oh wait... Did that happen?"
November 7 @ 3:46PM
Goodness, I am happy. Making shit happen! Doing what I truly want to do. Its amazing.
November 7 @ 7:13PM
I love that the words 'savor' and 'flavor' rhyme.
November 8 @ 2:59PM
OH and Russell AKA sexy fifty-something "looks like old Ernest Hemingway", was creepy all up on me last night. Hugs and kisses on the cheek, SO DRUNK. In my head, I was like, "I take it back! I would so never have a creepy affair with you!"
November 9 @ 12:59PM
You are YOU. Its an extension of your head. They are YOUR thoughts, and you have power over them. You can decide how you wish to think, and what effects you in what way. Nobody is happy all of the time, and nothing is ever perfect. But that's okay! You can only achieve happiness if you're willing to let the imperfections be. They are there, be happy about GOOD things. It won't happen overnight, but it WILL be worth it. You'll learn a whole lot about yourself and come out better on the other end. Its your life, take control, and change things in your favor. Just remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and never forget that you're entirely possible of reaching it.
November 9 @ 9:59PM
Random shit that the stars apparently say about me...
You are known to lead a simple, uncomplicated, frugal, methodical and unemotional lifestyle.
So true, but good or bad?
You have a dreamy, fanciful, romantic nature and a very creative imagination. Indeed, at times, your private fantasies are more appealing than the reality around you and it is difficult for you to leave them.
Tra la laaaaa, because my Venus is in Pisces.
You'll form close ties with those who have similarly idealistic ideas -- especially those who can stimulate you intellectually in your chosen field of interest. Your enthusiasm for learning new things may also cause you to do quite a bit of traveling. Because you probably will have many wide-ranging interests and concerns, you most likely will have contacts and connections in various parts of the country (or world).
OH, yes please.
Likes to visit the elderly and intellectuals, who both enrich her mind.
I do like the elderly...
Great sexual activity.
Cool.
Is interested in the occult.
She dominates her associates, colleagues. She is the same in love life, dominating the spouse and this makes for a stormy relationship in prospect.
Professional success can happen abroad or in connection with foreign countries. Faraway voyages are profitable.
YEAAAAAAAH.
A pleasant home, a charming husband, loving and sweet children, nice little meals, pleasant evenings with the loved one, that's the good life.
Marriage, a nice little family. The spouse will not always be easy to live with, a little too mad.
One part just says: Have regular check-ups on the heart and arteries.
This one was TOO in depth, because it began contradicting itself. Fuck you astrology website!
November 10 @ 1:22PM
I have precisely ONE (1) Ringo song on my iPod, so when it comes on (which it does frequently, for just being a lone ranger), its really weird. I usually skip it. I don't know why I have it. Probably so I don't feel bad for having lots o' George, John, and Paul.
November 11 @ 12:38PM
He is always trying to be so fucking philosophical and prolific, and I just want to say, "HEY. This makes no fucking sense!!!" And people are like, "Ooh, you're brilliant." NO YOU'RE NOT. You're fucking old! That's what you are!
November 12 @ 10:58PM
Fuck it! No stress!
November 13 @ 12:58AM
No stress works for me!
I love my life! No stresssssssss.
November 14 @ 12:08PM
I don't know if its because they were so weird and moody, but I've been in a weird transitional phase. I'm just figuring out what I want, how I can get it, and the type of person I want to be. These are things I thought I had pinned down, but I don't know, occasionally reassessing seems healthy. It just makes me feel kind of strange. Once I get back from this spontaneous camping trip, I just want to sit down and sort it all out with myself. I'm gravitating towards what I want, and I'm just wondering: is that ALL I want? What more? I KNOW I want this as my career, but I guess that's all I really have planned, and that scares me a little. What about all the other stuff that make life what it is? There's more than music, and I need to find out what I want to do with all that. And it sounds like I'm dissing music and everything I associate with that life, but I'm not. I just realized that there is more in addition to it. I'm thinking outside of my usual realm, and I guess its just terribly foreign to me, and I'm trying to get a grasp on it.
November 14 @ 1:41PM
I know, sometimes aren't you just a little scared? Like WOW, life is a BIG DEAL, hahaha. It is! Its life, we all live it, but its a big deal! I just want to do so much good, for myself, for others. I want to accomplish everything I want to accomplish. But I guess I'm just thinking: WHAT do I want to accomplish? Hmmmm. I KNOW what it is, but I don't want to make any brash statements, because I want to sit down, think it out, write it down. I know what I want, but I can't help but think there could be MORE. Am I selling myself short? Is there a whole world I don't know about? I THINK SO.
(And that world includes karma sutra cookie cutters.)
November 16 @ 2:50PM
Such happiness. Everything I was doubting, utter faith was instilled last night. YEEEEAAAAAHH!
November 17 @ 3:54PM
I listened to playlist consisting of: Ten Years Gone, The Rain Song, Tangerine, Thank You, That's the Way, and Going to California. I played it numerous times, it made me feel so much better, and everything made sense.
November 17 @ 9:40PM
We'll bake you a cake... In the shape of a penis!
November 19 @ 11:42PM
Big Boi is SHORTER than Andre 3000?! NO WAY.
Really, I'm genuinely surprised. I always thought Big Boi was a burly, teddybear-esque black man, but I'm wrong! Damn!
Really? REALLY? The Ramones never sucked? I beg to differ, especially since they lived well into the Nineties! Sans Dee Dee! No no, NO.
But I think the Ramones might be the best thing to emerge from NY, not counting the Band and stuff, because that's upstate and they're from CANADA. I may have to look into this...
November 23 @ 3:44PM
A vegetarian's wet dream: CHEESE PIZZA BITES!!!
Mysteriously stumbled upon them in my freezer this afternoon, HEAVEN SENT.
November 23 @ 7:10PM
A Paki found my blog by googling "bumby live sex". WHAT does that even mean?! He was probably sorely disappointed when he found something like a Bob photo dedicated to you, or something.
November 23 @ 9:00PM
Goodness, I would LOVE to meet Paul McCartney, and be like, "Aah! Pull My Cock Off! WHAT'S UP?" Actually, I just might do that when I meet Paul McCartney. Oh wow, that would be... Incredible.
November 24 @ 8:30PM
I haven't had a nightmare in literally years. Or thrown up, I'm really lucky.
November 26 @ 11:50AM
I mean, I've realized that we're all basically on our own. People will let you down, and nobody will be able to come through for you every SINGLE time. Because they've got themselves to look after, and you've got you. You know? I mean really, what is there to be depressed about? Maybe shit isn't absolutely perfect, but it isn't terrible either. And you have the time, and the power, to make it perfect. Its all in the way that you look at things, and hey, you've got power over that too! So don't worry, be happy -- like that song says! You've got nothing to worry ABOUT. We're young, our lives are simple right now!
November 28 @ 11:54PM
Had oodles of fun talking black dudes, fat asses, and weird girlfriends with you. GOODNIGHT.
November 30 @ 3:48PM
Oh and I watched the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary concert, AND... Ray Davies looks pretty decent right about now. I think I'm giving a thumbs up. And fuck, Jeff Beck is fairly attractive. He is so well-dressed! Oh and, I'm sorry to report that Simon and Garfunkel sound WEIRD singing together now. And Mick Jagger is a poor parody of himself.
December 2 @ 8:23PM
Really weird... I just looked up my full web history on google. Its documented any time that I'm signed into gmail/blogger/anything google-related:
In the last year, I googled most in October... 778 things! I google most on Mondays. And mostly at 1AM. I love this so much.
OH MAN! I can go far back and see what shit I clicked TWO YEARS AGO. I can know exactly which photos peaked my interest... Hahahahha, oh jesus.
How else would I know that I looked up 'twinkie recipe' in August '07?
I'M LITERALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD! I SEARCHED 'RINGO STARR SEXUALITY'!
(When I was convinced he was gay!)
I looked up 'blank ben lee' and 'pissed off ben lee'. That must have been after you saw him, and you probably described him 'blank' and 'pissed off'. And I probably wanted a photo to say, "Like this?"
December 3 @ 1:55PM
OH, by the way, my brother got suspended for two days. A kid slapped him on the bus, so when the bus driver got out, Taylor leaped over the seat and attacked him, open and closed fist. TWICE! So he suspended until the end of the week...
December 3 @ 3:42PM
I still want one of those English miniature pigs. SO BADLY. Seriously... London '11, watch out! I'm coming to rob you of your old men and your pigs. And your journalism jobs, obviously!
December 4 @ 5:12PM
Why is it, that Cream has not very many good songs?
December 5 @ 1:30AM
In 'n' Out is really good, especially when its in a seasonal bag! Its like Starbucks red cups... BUT BETTER!
You know what else is really good? Tea, when the night is cold and dark. Listening to new tunes. Reading good ol' F. Scotty! Cuddling up with kitties. Being creative. AND FINDING OUT THAT FATS DOMINO IS STILL ALIVE!
They're are about a thousand other things I could name, because life is just that awesome! But ayayayya, I've got to sleep. Sleep is good too.
I've been so productive lately. Happiness.
December 5 @ 11:00PM
I wish I could send them all mystery mixed tapes, with a little note that says, "You've been schooled." (I feel like that would be so Cartman of me!)
And it'll be a phenomenon! "OH MY GOD, DID YOU GET SCHOOLED TOO?!" And everyone will twitter about it, "Holy shit... Omg. Who sent the CDs? Srsly!" But then they'll come out of it with all this great knowledge, and be like, "Thanks mystery person. I LOVED being schooled." I know you did, bitches. Happy to help.
But alas... This will never happen. It was a magnificent idea though, huh?
December 5 @ 11:57PM
Sometimes it all just get to be too much, you know? Its just the WHOLE PICTURE. What it all means and stands for, and what I want, and what I can have. It scares me! And its craziness, and finally I snap back and go, "Whoa look! Life is fucking incredible!" But its so overwhelming, and you know, that's good! That is so good. There is stuff to be overwhelmed ABOUT -- incredible!!! I'm getting everything that I want. I'm well on my way to making my dreams come true. I'm MAKING IT HAPPEN, and holy hell, I'm grateful. And most days I smile over nothing. I sit in my room every day and I'm blissfully happy. Truly. I know that one day (soon!), I'll get to lead just the life I want to lead. I mean, its already happening! But like I said, its just overwhelming.
And you know, writing this, I just think, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!" Because I really truly have NOTHING to be upset about. I'm getting just what I want. And I'm not ungrateful, and even though I second guess sometimes, I'm fucking happy and I'm not backing out. But all I'm saying is, its SO MUCH. The prospects, the thoughts. But its just the THOUGHTS. IT hasn't even happened yet! But it doesn't happen like THAT, it happens slowly, one by one. I think I need to be more expressive and jumpy and just gush.
I think these emotions mean something big is going to happen. It ALWAYS does. And even still, I have these moments when I'm totally frightened, its the unknown that scares me. I don't quite know what is going to happen. But even still, I'm ready to take it full-on headstrong. No dodging anything. Even still, I have no doubt that the best, and only thing I can do is to keep going until I conquer my dreams. And I will.
December 6 @ 12:42PM
I realized that even if you give someone AMAZING advice, they have to come to that conclusion themselves. It won't register until they go through the proper train of thought to get there, you know? So someone could know what to do to help you out, but until you find it out for YOURSELF, it's worthless.
You have power over yourself, and that is about it. Which is fine, what more can we ask for? But I think that's the really scary thing. We can't control the people we like, the people who give us jobs, the people who grade our papers -- these people who either directly or indirectly MAKE our lives. That is what is scary. But every time I have one of those scares, I grow a little. Its all about learning to 'roll with it', you know? Making like a chameleon and just adapting, but still not losing sight of yourself.
December 6 @ 2:11PM
Good things happen to those who wait. I'm doing the right thing, and that is gratifying.
December 6 @ 6:47PM
New Years resolutions (and its not even Christmas yet!):
- Be more approachable
- Better posture
- Be as slinky and graceful as my cat. Seriously, that little dude inspired me! He moves with more elegance than I've ever had. Because he's a CAT, but I want to be a cat too.
December 6 @ 9:35PM
Just chopped the tips off a pair of gloves. So then I can be warm AND properly operate my computer... A stroke of genius.
December 7 @ 9:46PM
Having the balls to do something = it working out.
December 7 @ 10:05PM
23 degrees is a regrettable predicament.
December 8 @ 12:02AM
Whoa WHOA, Dave Davies, you have a tendency to surprise with your cool demeanor, or perhaps its your frantic guitar styling. Either way, you may be the only bi guy with whom I'd excuse that small feat.
December 8 @ 9:59PM
I'm finishing Tender is the Night FINALLY, then I think its back to On the Road. Tender is the Night is obviously really beautifully written, and the characters are so complex and intriguing, but it also revolves around mental illness more so than decadence a la the Great Gatsby. So it isn't so fluffy, upbeat, and fun. Just when it starts getting jazzy and crazy, his wife has a mental breakdown. Soo... That isn't fun. So when I'm done, I'm ready for some wild and crazy, reckless, aimless Jacky Kerouac times!
December 11 @ 10:23PM
"Band on the Run" shouldn't make me so happy, but oh, it does.
December 14 @ 11:08PM
She said to my dad, "Michelle likes someone her own age." She followed that with, "But he's still unobtainable." And I was like, "That word isn't even in my vocabulary!" And my dad something like I'm a "top notch babe" and "Nothing is unobtainable for her." Precisely!
December 15 @ 1:50PM
Wonderfully random:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_in_the_Groove
From Eric Clapton, to Bob's black wife, to Jerry Garcia, AND OH MY GOD... RANDY JACKSON! To Kip Winger, Ronnie Wood, and Paul Simonon! What a party that was...
December 15 @ 10:54PM
Isn't it weird that what was once exciting, becomes scarier as it gets closer to being a reality? But I realized, if you just DO IT, fuck the fear, and go after what you want, then its easier and faster. So heyyyy, fuck the fear!
December 22 @ 11:20PM
Yeah, like, you're alone. Everyone is an individual. But you're still LOVED, you know? And when you feel like you're unimportant or not cared for, its rough. Everyone wants to be heard, and that's the important thing -- even if you don't agree, listen.
December 22 @ 11:21PM
There's always the future, and there is always more to learn. Keep moving.
December 23 @ 12:01AM
My thoughts: DUDE, I am NOT gonna listen to you bawl to the Band again, ya dig?
December 23 @ 1:38AM
ATTRACTION is magnificent.
December 24 @ 1:41PM
Oh yeah, I'm still down with that. Plus, what an amazing random skill. Like, "Oh yeah... I play the banjo."
December 24 @ 3:15PM
Today = Christmas Eve, baby times, the Who at the Fillmore East '69 bootleg.
December 30 @ 9:36PM
Llama-ing to "Mick Dick".
FUCK, I meant "Moby Dick".
But I almost just typed Bobby Dick! I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF.
December 30 @ 11:41PM
Note to self: SEXY HANDSHAKES!
December 31 @ 6:05PM
I'm obsessed with creme cheese. I have no crackers, so I'm using tortilla chips. OBSESSION.
2009 has been so fucking wild. I'm READY FOR MORE. 2010 is going to be spectacular!
Everything you do is a new adventure. They have no effect on each other! Each day is a new, exciting thing -- and you can do whatever you chose to do with it! Even if you just decide to THINK differently, yet sit in the same spot. Maybe you decide to listen to Indian ragas all day, rather than your usual. Whatever it is, make it exciting!!! When you set out on a new goal, don't compare it to anything. Don't think, "Well, it was easy for this person." Or, "This person never achieved their dreams." Life is what YOU make it. Really, truly! Nothing ever "is what it is." It is what you make it. You have total freedom to think, want, and do ANYTHING you want. Pick what you like, do what makes you happy, think good thoughts! Life is a glorious grab bag, and you can HAVE IT ALL. And best of all, if you suddenly decide something ISN'T working, you can change it! Just like that!
"God blessed me with a happy spirit and many other gifts. What I was not blessed with I went out and got. Sometimes the price was too high, but I've never been much of a bargain hunter." - Slim Keith
Because I have this deep obsession with being "optimistic yet realistic", I must say not much happens overnight. When I'm having a rough week, sometimes I think, "But I'm supposed to be the eternal optimist! Why don't I feel good NOW?" It doesn't work that way. But as each day passes, and you believe in being effortlessly happy, you'll also feel subtly better each day.
It goes the same for reaching your dreams. You won't say, "I want to do this crazy/amazing goal TOMORROW." No way! But just keep wanting it so bad, obsessing over it, believing in it INTENSELY. It'll happen! Nothing happens in a day, and you certainly won't acquire the resources to make it happen in a day either. But as you think positively, and take advantage of every tiny resource available (an important step!!), the chances will grow larger. The opportunities will draw nearer, the excitement will build, the anticipation will kill! But oh oh oh, once you get there, it'll be so worth it. All of it. The struggle, the doubt, the fear. Just never let any of that dominate. Always keep relentlessly fighting it off with optimism, even when it seems ridiculous and impossible. There will probably never be a definitive HOW -- a go-to solution to achieve those dreams. More realistically, it'll probably be a series of how's. Each growing larger, until it climaxes with your dream. Then just LIVE IT. Remind yourself every day that you're doing just what you WANT, and never stop appreciating that. The everlasting feeling of achieving something you so deeply aspired toward will leave you smiling every single day. It won't be just as you imagined it, which I can guarantee will probably throw you off. Maybe its BETTER than you imagined!
If you BELIEVE shit improves gradually, it WILL. Your life is determined by your beliefs. Did you ever realize that if you go into something saying, "I'm going to be no good at this." Then you aren't?! Yet, if you have utter faith that you're naturally good at some things, YOU ARE. Another New Years resolution: Believe in the possibility of being good at EVERYTHING I try. Sometimes I'll come up short, but TRYING is the best prize anyway.
2010 is going to be amazing. I can feel it in my bones. Do you? If not, FUCKING START. Sometimes you're down, but that's okay, as long as you keep trucking with sheer certainty of knowing that an amazing surprise is awaiting you just around the corner! Pay attention to the why you're down, realize to not let that get you down again, and then say, "FUCK IT." Always keep your eye on the greatness that is awaiting your arrival.
This is why I've deemed 2010 the year of turning fantasy into reality. Because I only dream it to be it, xo.
