As most of you surely know by now, The British Correspondent isn't too quick on the draw. Similarly, he's not too quick on the keyboard either. He sent me this article today about the Royal Wedding which was on Friday. You'd think these Brits were behind in the time zone instead of ahead. Anyway... in our effort to fill up a week with Muppety content, here is The British Correspondent's do's and don't's if you're having a Royal Wedding:The British Correspondent's (Slightly Delayed) Official List of Do’s and Don’ts for the I Do’s of the Royal Duo (Muppet Wiki Links Special)
Dearest William and Kate,- Do ensure that you have the perfect outfit (preferably singing about it in true flashback style) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Episode_2484)
- Do ensure that your Seating Chart is recorded by geeks online using a pause button on their DVD (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/The_Muppets_Take_Manhattan_Wedding_Seating_Chart)
- Do ensure that your wedding cake can sing as this makes for endless entertainment (if uncomfortable eating) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Wedding_Cakes)
- Also, do use a Kermit and Miss Piggy wedding topper (as they are rare and awesome) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Wedding_of_the_Century)
- Don’t suddenly start wearing a wedding ring without any official wedding announcement (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Swedish_Chef)
- Do not release a parody poster of yourselves wearing a giant hat and having floppy hair and a British accent (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/File:Our-Wedding-Your-Funeral.jpg)
- Do not attempt to sneakily marry thy love in a musical sketch (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Waiting_at_the_Church)
- Do not make a deal with Rumpelstiltskin in order to get married to the King (theres always a catch) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Muppet_Classic_Theater)
- Similarly, do not marry Baby Gonzo just for some cupcakes (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Episode_204:_The_Great_Cookie_Robbery)
- Do not allow your mother-in-law to come all the way from France before getting cold feet and leaving your bride at the altar (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/France)
- Do not use a Dinosaur Minster of an ambiguous religion to perform the ceremony (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Dinosaur_Minister)
- Do get a fancy picture of the people performing you on your wedding day (http://images.wikia.com/muppet/images/3/35/Kermitpiggywedding.jpg)
- Don’t get married in a movie, but using a real Minister, as this will lead to continuous questioning as to the reality of your nuptials (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Wedding_Piggy)
- William, do not attempt to escape to a waiting Taxi while being chased down by Catherine (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Miss_Piggy%27s_Wedding)
- Do not lose your ring on your 513th Wedding Anniversary (especially if you are the Rulers of the Universe) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Episode_509:_Ring_Around_the_Rock)
- Do not allow the release of a creepy, faceless paper-cut-out wedding dress as part of the ridiculous over-marketing of thy royal nuptials (as if there aren’t enough special edition biscuit tins...) (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/File:Goldenpaperdoll-wedding.jpg)
- Do think all your thoughts in song during the ceremony (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Wedding_Pictures)
- Do not do so out loud as you walk down the isle (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/He%27ll_Make_Me_Happy)
- Do make a list of all your married friends, just because you can (http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Spouses)
The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier
